BlazBlue Epic Talk show
by Kalin Sol
Summary: The most random talk show ever! Rated for slight cussing.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first fan fiction ever. So if you guys could give me some pointers, which would be great. This is a random fan fiction that I have been thinking about for some time now, but never got to writing it down. Until now that is! Hopefully you will all enjoy it.

Rebel one: Light, camera…No action!

A spiky haired man in a suit walks onto the stage and takes a seat on a chair. "Welcome one and all! To the 'BlazBlue Epic Talk Show'! I am your host, Kalin Sol! Now if you are wondering what this is, then let me tell you! The, 'BlazBlue Epic Talk Show', if you have not noticed is a talk show, brings all your favorite characters from the world of BlazBlue, and makes them talk about themselves! Only thing is this…We like to embarrass them for the sake of all the fans!" Kalin then stands up and puts both hands together. "Now, let us give a warm welcome to our main protagonist! Ragna The Bloodedge!" The audience starts to clap and cheer as Ragna makes his way on stage.

"Welcome Ragna! Tell us, how does it feel like to be here…with the fans…and no security to stop the crazy fan girls." Ragna blinks twice before gulping. "What the hell was that last part?" asked Ragna, looking around the stage in a cold sweat. "I was only joking. Of course we have security around here." Ragna sighs in relief. "Thank god. For a second there I thought I might die." Kalin could only grin. "I know! It is not like I put Hazama in charge of keeping your fan girls out, right?" Ragna's eyes grow to the size of watermelons. "T-that was a joke, right?" Kalin did his best to hide the extreme laughter building up inside him. "Whatever helps you sleep at night? Anyway! Ragna, you are the main man, the one and only, the white haired hero. Tell us, how does it feel?"

"It feels great. Yeah I have to put up with a lot of *beep*" Ragna stopped at that point. "What the hell?" Kalin tilts his head sideways. "Something wrong, Ragna?" "well yeah! What was that sound that came out when I said the word, *beep*? See! There is was again! What is that!" Ragan quickly began to complain about the censorship. Kalin sighed before doing a face palm. "Ragna that was a censor, we need them. This is a family show…kind of, and we can't have you saying that type of stuff." Ragna's head hung low. "But saying that is part of who I am! Can't you see that if I don't say; *beep*, *beep* and even, *beep* I am not fully myself?" "Sorry Ragna, but the producer won't allow that shit here." Ragna's head snapped up in disbelief. "What the hell! You just said *beep*"

"Guess it is only you who can't say shit then." Kalin was instantly cut off by a very enraged Ragna who unsheathed his sword. "Who the hell is this producer guy! I need to have a word with him!" Yelled Ragna as he swung his large sword around the stage. "Calm down man! We still have the Q&A. After that I will let you talk to the producer, okay?" Kalin tried to calm down the angry Ragna, before he could get out of hand. "Fine!" Ragna sat down and crossed his arms. Sighing, Kalin pointed to a TV screen next to him. "Alright! First question comes from; Green Snake. He/she asks; Dear Ragna, why is your sword so huge? Are you trying to drive attention from somewhere else?" Once again, Ragna stood up and pointed his massive sword at the TV screen.

"What kind of *beep* is this! And I better hope this, 'Green Snake' is not who I think it is!" Kalin rubbed his chin, knowing his plan was going all too well. "Well, Ragna? Our fans would like an answer." Kalin told Ragna, in a twisted voice. "Like hell I am going to answer!" Kalin only nodded. "I'll take that as a 'yes'" The audience began to laugh as loud as they could, fan girls started chanting Ragna's name. "What. The. Hell? You are worse than Terumi!...Wait…" Ragna narrowed his eyes towards Kalin. Kalin only nodded and looked to the TV screen. On that screen, the image of the NOL captain, Hazama appeared. "Hello Rags! How's it going? I hope you like the new union between Kalin and I. it is truly, 'epic'" Hazama said with a outburst of laughs. Kalin then stood up and clapped his hands together. "Release! The fan girls!" With that, a giant door was opened, behind it was over 9000 Ragna fan girls that had all been give Nu cosplay outfits. "NnnnnnnnNNUUUUUUUU!" Ragna yelled before running off stage. "Sadly, that is all we have for today. I hope you enjoyed this, and if you did, join us next time where we troll, I mean 'interview' a new victim, I mean guest. Good night everybody!" With that, Hazama and Kalin gave a bow to a clapping crowd.

**Thank you for reading. I know it is short and not the best, but this is my first time doing a fan fiction. I know there are grammar mistakes, and such, but I promise to get better! :D **

**Hazama: Don't make a promise you can't keep.**

**Me: Shut it you! You and I are to work together on this! . **

**Hazama: Great, I get stuck working with a noob. -.-''**

**Me: How do you think it feels like to work with a Michel Jackson cosplayer? **

**Hazama:….Jerk.**

**Me: That is what I thought. . .**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you guys for reviewing and reading my very first story ever. I am glad you thought it was funny. Well this is chapter two of my out of character-ness story. Please enjoy. **

**Rebel 2: Show some love!**

Kalin walked up to the green haired man who was eating a boiled egg. "Hey Hazama, look at this. It looks like we might actually make it!" Handing him a file, Kalin fist pumped the air. Hazama opened the file, looked at it, and then back to the fist pumping Kalin. "We could do better you know." Kalin's face made a confused expression. "But we got good ratings, and Ragna has so many fans that we didn't have to pay for the hospital bill…well he might sue us after he gets out, but you know what they say…" Kalin's eyes narrowed towards Hazama. "It is just one of the many possibilities of the continuum shift…" Hazama sighed before getting up from his desk. "Right, but we have a problem. We have no guest for tonight's show. Who are you going to find in a time like this?" Asked Hazama as he crossed his arms. Kalin gave a wicked grin towards the green haired man. "Oh, don't worry. I got it all under control. Hehe..hehe..hehe…" Hazama's head tilted slightly, as Kalin walked out of the room, laughing like a mad man. "You know, I thought I was supposed to be the evil sadistic one here…"

**Later that day: (After out running several Ice Cars.)**

Kalin walked out onto the stage, wearing his host suit. "Welcome ladies and gents, and Kakas. We are on our second episode! Now today we have a very special guest with us. Can I get a round of applause for the one and only, Jin Kisaragi!" The crowd began to clap loudly, several members of the, "Jin Kisaragi X Ragna Fan club" yelled out his name, as the young blond haired man walked on stage. "Where is my brother? You told me brother would be here." Ignoring all of his screaming fans, Jin asked Kalin with a cold stare. "Oh, he will be here. But for now, please take a seat." Jin's eyes looked from Kalin to the fans.

"Very well, however, you try anything and I will freeze you where you stand…again."

"Yes, yes, I understand. Now, Jin, seeing as how this is your first time here; I will explain how this will go down. First, I will ask you a question or two, and then I will open up the lines for the fans." Kalin told Jin, knowing that Jin would fall for his and Hazama's trap. Jin only nodded his head in agreement. "Alright, Jin, you are a very cold man to most women around you. Tell us, why do you have a hatred towards them?" Jin blinked twice before clearing his throat. "I don't hate them. You see, I just find some of them annoying. Like Vermillion for example, she can never get anything done right, and she has the IQ of a dead frog!"

"Don't you think that is a little harsh? She does try her best. And what about Tsubaki, you seem to get along with her, right?" Jin sighed before looking off into the distance, making the fan girls sigh in awe. "Tsubaki is different. We have actually known each other for…" Just then a voice spoke to Kalin over his ear piece. "Kalin, what is going on! We need to troll! Not get his to talk about his love interest!" Kalin nodded his head, and readied the epic troll storm that would destroy the unsuspecting Jin.

"What about Ragna? You seem to really care for your brother. Tell us, what is it about your brother that turns you on?" The crowd could be heard giving a "OOOOHHHHH" from the background. "Brother…My dear brother. He is a very good man, whom I want to kill. Because I love him, oh how I could just stab him over and over with my long sword and-'' Kalin leaned back and cut Jin off before the censors had to come into play. "Okay! Um…That was…interesting…Let us go to the Q&A from some loving fans!" Jin then unsheathed his sword. "How dare you interrupt me when I am talking about trusting my sword into my brother!" Kalin's jaw dropped. "Um…I…I…" Jin walked up to Kalin and pointed Yukianesa at Kalin's neck. "Listen you worthless piece of trash. I will talk about doing very bad things to my brother as much as I want! Don't you understand that I am the only one who should thrust anything into him!" Kalin, Hazama, and the audience had an awkward silence.

"That last part did not come out right, did it?" Asked Jin, his face turning red.

Kalin was still in shock from what Jin had just said. "J-Jin, EVERYTHING you said did not come out right! This is why you get made fun of a lot in the world of BlazBlue."

Jin lowered his head in disappointment. "I don't try to sound this way…I just can't help it! It is the creators' fault! Not mine! It is also the fan girls! The fan girls haunt my dreams night!" Jin had snapped. The audience was in a mixture of laughs and worries for the young blond haired man. "Maybe some fan Q&A will make you feel better?" Jin had been holding his arms and rocking his body as if he was traumatized. "Anyway, the first question comes from; Micro-DJ657. She/he asks; 'dear Jin, why do you always sheath your sword after an attack? Would it not be easier to just keep it out?' This person does have a point, don't you think so?"

Around this time, Jin had slightly recovered. "It shows my speed and skill. And it makes me look good. Hopefully brother will be impressed by it."

An anime sweat drop fell from the back of Kalin's head. "Alright, next question comes from…IloveyouJin557: He/she asks; 'Dear Jin, forget Ragna and be mine!' Well that was not really a question, but let's role with it." Jin face palmed his face. "Why would I ever be with a women whom I do not know? And don't tell me what to do! If I wish to remember my brother, then I will do so!" yelled Jin.

"Alright, next question comes from…Green Snake; He/she asks; 'Dear Major Kisaragi, how would you like a picture of Ragna kissing Noel Vermillion? And how would that make you feel?' Well, Jin?"

Jin snapped. "Alright Hazama! You and your trash of a host shall die!" Yelling, Kalin jumped out of the way, just in time to avoid getting cut in half. "You asked for this Jin! Let us fight!" Kalin yelled, as most of the crowd began cheering the word, "fight" over and over again.

"Do you think you could take me down? I have a Nox Nyctores on my side. What do you have?" Said Jin with a wicked grin.

Kalin reached in his pocket and pulled out a Ragna plushie. "We have a Ragna plushie." With that, Kalin tossed the stuffed Ragna onto Jin face. "B-brother in a stuffed form! No! NNNOOOO!" Grabbing the Ragna plushie, Jin ran off stage. At that moment, the announcer's voice could be heard. "Kalin win. Astral Finish!"

"Well that is all we have for today ladies, gents, and Kakas. We hope to see you next time for Rebel 3! Have a good night!"

**So that ends chapter two. I hope you guys liked this one. I tried to make it longer than the last one. Please R&R. I don't mind flaming, as long as it does not involve a flamethrower to my face. ;) **

**Hazama: Well, you actually wrote more words this time. But, why didn't I get much screen time?**

**Me: Well you did get more this time than last. So be happy you!**

**Hazama: Yah, yeah whatever. But you know, if you keep just with the popular characters, this will get old very soon.**

**Me: Don't worry; next chapter will have someone unexpected. **

**Hazama: Fine, fine. I'll just stay quite then.**

**Me: Hmm…No troll today? **

**Hazama: You fail so much I don't need to troll you. **

**Me: T_T that was revenge for calling you a Michel Jackson cosplayer, wasn't it?**

**Hazama: Ahahaha!**


End file.
